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| alcosatz |
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FT Classic Op
Registered Member #39
Joined: Fri Dec 02 2005, 10:30PMPosts: 1545 |
Let me preface this by saying that I'm the worst admins at times. I feel like everyone just accepts my behavior "as is," and doesn't ask questions. This sucks, and I wish regs and admins would bust my balls from time to time. I've frequently had admin "meltdowns" over the past month or so, and, while I'm my own worst critic about most things, I'd like other people to tell me how bad it is. This isn't some sort of loyalty test to get people to say, "hey man, you do a lot of things for us, so we don't mind you being irresponsible at times." Most of this has to do with my personality. It only takes a few hours (minutes?) to notice I'm very defensive and uptight about most things. I tend to blow up at the drop of a hat, and all the perks of being an admin seem to follow. I can blame it on drinking too much, stress at work, or any number of things. Unfortunately those are just excuses. I hate how the same day we're trying to test the public rotation server I fuck with as many regs and admins as possible. I don't know how to explain it, and I'm not sure how to fix it. It feels good to at least share this, and let you all know that I do grill myself for most of the stupid shit I do. Just because FTC and this new rotation server are around doesn't mean I'm infallible. I fuck up... a lot, and I want to apologize. The worst part is that I'm usually too stubborn to admit that I've made mistakes. I just hide it under the guise of running FTC, etc., and it's a "tough job." Honestly, I'm tired of hiding behind that, and I want to be accountable for my actions. I'd rather not get the usual fanfare. If you've got a complaint about me then please share. I appreciate the support I imagine several people will provide, but that's not what I'm looking for. This is really just me apologizing for what a tool I've been for the past several weeks. Again, if you've got a complaint then I want to hear about it. I've really been a dick to several admins and regs lately. |
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| Kalibur |
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Registered Member #101
Joined: Thu Dec 29 2005, 01:04AMPosts: 578 |
ME, your a dick to me all the time.... yea sure on FTC or FTPR you can be simi nice at times but other then that your just mean and hatfull to me | ||
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| kd. |
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♥ (✿◠‿◠) ♥
Registered Member #75
Joined: Sat Dec 17 2005, 08:51PMPosts: 3128 |
Kali, whats simi? | ||
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| Kalibur |
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Registered Member #101
Joined: Thu Dec 29 2005, 01:04AM Posts: 578 |
simi? is like half, i think | ||
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| joker |
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Registered Member #14
Joined: Sat Nov 19 2005, 05:27AMPosts: 157 |
alex, to be honest i've never had you blow up on me. i've seen you do it on darwin a few times and i know he can be semi annoying but hey, he's darwin. i've seen you slay people for saying something asshole-ish to you and i completely agree with that. from what i've seen of you, i have no grievances against you or your admin abilities except that you can really blow up on people when they rub you the wrong way. | ||
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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PMPosts: 3503 |
I didnt get to see alot of it tonight because I was talking to my girlfriend for a couple of hours. But all I came and seen was "You people need to fucking balance the teams. Stop stacking the teams." And, "You all fucking suck" then you just left. Now Ill all let you know, that Im even worse than Alcohol (I keep my composure on the mic) and even swear at people and insult them from time to time. But Alcohol, I can understand the shit that you go through lol. And no, work and running FT is a great excuse, I work and usually want to fuckin go on a rampage when Im done. Whatever it is Alcohol, Im sure some soothing Ambient music would calm your nerves, and dont let everything get to you. I know, I sound like some fuckin pansee that you'd see on the Limpton Tea commercials, but hell, that shit really works! CS:S is meant to piss you off when you die, I dont know one person that doesnt get pissed when they are playing this. It dont matter man, to me, I think its fuckin hilarious when you flip out on people. I know that its just all out of frustration, so I dont mind it at all. Hell, youd be lucky to keep me from admin, Id end up slaying people sometime. Although, I have never done that, I dont know how far my anger can take me (I.e, I threw a chair at my sister, and she threatened to call the cops). So if you think you made people feel bad, just think of what a spaz I am, and you will laugh your ass off. Imagine the BOOM HEADSHOT guy, well, Im not that bad, and I dont scream when I shoot people. I think your a good leader, and Ive been in a few long term clans where Ive known the leader and they've all had the same problems, its not just you. Btw, the Rotation was fucking great just so you know. I suggest the autobalence (There are some to balance it skillwise). That might help the team stack problem for you. I dont know where to find it, but its out there. Ight man, Im tired as hell, been up since 10, had some intense volleyball tonight, and fucked up my knee badly. See you in the Rotation. |
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| Kalibur |
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Registered Member #101
Joined: Thu Dec 29 2005, 01:04AM Posts: 578 |
kddude wrote ... Kali, whats simi? i ment semi  i'm not having a good night so everyone leave me alone 
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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PM Posts: 3503 |
Kalibur wrote ... simi? is like half, i think Do you mean "Semi"? |
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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PM Posts: 3503 |
Sorry for double post, but you posted that right after Kali.  too bad I didnt get to play with you and you couldnt see my uber skillz. Yeah right, I sucked ass.
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| Wolf |
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Registered Member #95
Joined: Mon Dec 26 2005, 04:56AMPosts: 331 |
Everybody is fuckin' human man. I think I'd be more annoyed with the person that never showed emotion instead of the one that blows up every once in awhile. You gotta handle your shit and leave it at the door. This game can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I myself won't call it a good night of playing if I don't curse at my screen and go punch something. You gotta think that if you really offended somebody, not only would you have heard about it, but they probably would of been done with this clan at the same time. We're still here and we understand that life's a bitch. Any and all damage to our pride is made up by blowin' your head off a couple of times. If we don't give everybody the benefit of the doubt then half of the regs and admins woulda been permanently banned awhile ago. Everybody is their worst critic, now quit bashing yourself and get back to making our rotation server. I'm all ancy in my pants waiting for it to be finalized. | ||
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