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| A Wu-Review of the Insane Clown Posse | ||
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| Wu-banga |
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Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AMPosts: 1561 |
I've noticed that the Insane Clown Posse has somewhat of a large following, and while I first assumed it was a joke, I decided it was unfair of me to write off this potentially talented band because I was unable to be open-minded enough to listen to some of their songs.With that thought in mind, I decided that I would, out of fairness, go pick up an Insane Clown Posse CD and listen to a little bit of it before I passed judgement on the band. The following is my review of ICP's CD, The Great Milenko. ---- The tale of my review starts while on my way to Best Buy. Hoping to run into some real life "Juggalos" (as fans of the band like to call themselves) to get the insider's take on what makes the band wonderful, I decided to make a quick stop at the mall to see if I could hunt down this elusive creature. I was unsure what the native habitat of the Juggalo was, so I decided to ask a security guard if he could perhaps point me in the right direction. Me: Hello sir, I'm trying to find a Juggalo. Could you possibly help me by pointing out where they like to hang out, or what stores they like to rob or something like that? Him: Damn man, you just missed one. He was a real stupid lookin' motherfucker coming out of Macy's with his mom. Me: Ahh, so they're known to frequent Macy's then? Him: I don't know, man. I don't really know where they come from. I just see packs of them stupid bitches with their painted faces trying to steal packets of Ketchup from McDonald's. I just have to kick 'em out. Me: So they paint their faces? Is that how they identify themselves to each other? Him: Yeah, man. They paint their faces with white and black paint. They usually got dreadlocks and shit too. Me: Interesting... Thanks to this important tip from the security guard, I now knew to look for young children, possibly with their parents, in painted faces. That would help me to locate the elusive Juggalo. While sitting in the food court of my local mall enjoying an Auntie Anne's pretzel, I noticed a rather strange shop at the back, right-hand side of the mall called Hot Topic. When I came closer to the shop, I noticed that the store patrons were wildly strange people that tended to dress in all black clothing with sharp and spiky accessories. Venturing into the store to see if they could possibly point me in the right direction to find some Juggalos, I was approached by a young man with a painted face. Him: What are you doing in here BITCH? Me: Excuse me sir, I was trying to find a juggalo. I noticed that your face is painted white, are you a juggalo? Him: Yeah BITCH what's it to you? Me: The thing is, I'm doing a review on the Insane Clown Posse, and I was hoping to get an insider's perspective on what makes the band so great. Think you could help me out by answering some questions? Him: I guess so BITCH, I might beat your ass and steal your shoes after we're done though. I haven't decided yet. Me: Alright, first thing I wanted to ask was... Jimmy! Help mommy carry some of these bags back to the van! Him: shit man, that's my moms. I gots to go. I was frustrated that I had finally found a Juggalo and he had to go before I had a chance to ask some questions. Seeing that it was nearly 9 o'clock, I decided just to head to Best Buy and pick up the CD. I wouldn't have a chance to explore the personality of a devoted fan, but surely I could get a glimpse of the band's greatness after listening to one of their CDs. When I browsed through the library of CDs at Best Buy, I noticed that the Insane Clown Posse had quite a large catalogue of albums. Unsure of what to get, I decided to pick up the one that had the stupidest picture of a clown on the front of it. The Great Milenko won this contest by a mile. Venturing to the check-out counter I have to admit that I was a bit embarrased to be seen purchasing a CD made by two middle-aged, fat, white guys who painted their faces and adorned the cover of every CD with some kind of demonic imagery of a children's entertainment staple. Regardless, I persevered and made it to the register. Cashier: Is this gonna' be all for you? Me: Erm, well... yes. That's all. Cashier: You know these guys suck, right? I see these Juggalos in the store from time to time, and they're constantly trying to steal Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball from the Xbox section. Me: It's for a review project. I'll make up my mind after I listen to the CD. Cashier: Whatever you say, dude. I'm just trying to save you 4.99. The cashier rang the item up and handed me the CD in a yellow Best Buy bag. I must admit that I was quite happy that the CD was out of sight.As I sat in my car taking off the plastic shrink wrap on the case, I checked out the song list on the back to see what sort of music I had to look forward to. Some of the memorable titles included: Piggy Pie Southwest Voodoo What Is a Juggalo? (I was really looking forward to this one) Boogie Woogie Wu (NOT ME!) And Down With the Clown Realizing that I didn't have time to listen to every song on the CD, I decided to focus my attention on these 5 songs. I started with "What is a Juggalo?" since I had asked myself this same question only moments ago. I popped the CD in and switched it on to track number 9. I was greeted with the following explanation of what a Juggalo is: What is a juggalo? Lemme think for a second. (well?) Oh he gets butt naked. And then he walks through the street winkin' at freaks Wit a two liter stuck in his butt cheeks! Now I had a little more understanding of what exactly makes a Juggalo. Apparently they enjoy public nudity and seem to have a strange fascination with the insertion of large items into their anus. On top of that, I found the fact that they wink at "freaks" rather strange. I mean, who's a freak to a man that walks around the streets naked with a two liter bottle of soda lodged in their rectum? A little further into the song, Violent J (one of the band's singers) clarified more of what makes a man a Juggalo. He might try to put a weave in his nut hair. Cuz he could give a fuck less what a bitch thinks He tell her that her butt stinks and all that On top of homoerotic voyeurism, Juggalos also appear to be quite mysoginistic. Why else would any rational person tell a female that their butt hosts a particularly offensive odor? Pressing on, I delved deeper into the psyche of a Juggalo, and was offered this further explanation: What is a juggalo? He ain't a bitch boy. He'll walk through to the hills and beat down a rich boy. Walks right in the house where ya havin' supper, And dip his nuts in ya soup……bloop! I found a noticeable pattern in that juggalos appear to enjoy exposing themselves as often as possible. I also gathered that Juggalos are apparently proponents of class warfare, as Violent J specified that they would walk through hilly terrain purely to assault a "rich boy". At this point, I figured I knew enought about the violent tendencies of Juggalos and decided to skip to the next song on the list, Down with the Clown. How long will the juggalos be down with me? How long till they forget me check it out What if I grew another ****ing head And his name was Violent Ed At this point I began to wonder if Violent J was just making things up that rhymed, as they seemed to make no logical sense whatsoever. Further into the song, Violent J describes his feelings on "going soft". Making mom happy, keeping it soft I'd rather grab my dick and tell your mom to fuck off! I know then you'd probably start to trip Apparently the voyeuristic and violent tendencies aren't limited to the Juggalo army alone, the Commander-in-chief also holds these distorted and strange views. At this point I had grown extremely tired of the Insane Clown Posse after only two songs. In the interest of fairness, I decided to give one more song a go before I set the disc on fire and had my ear drums expunged from my head. Hellelujah appears to explain Violent J's take on religion. I shut the song off within half a minute because I began to have violent seizures after listening to almost 12 minutes of this horrible, horrible band. I wish I could further explain the inner workings of ICP, but I fear death would follow shortly thereafter. Therefore, I have to give the Insane Clown Posse a.... 1 star out of 5 Hope you enjoyed my review. |
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| kd. |
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♥ (✿◠‿◠) ♥
Registered Member #75
Joined: Sat Dec 17 2005, 08:51PMPosts: 3128 |
There are many ways I know this isn't you.. 1. "I got into my car" 2. The extremely good use of words. 3. You typing this whole thing I must say though, it's an awsome post, I was LMAO the whole time  . Where'd ya find this one?? POST MORE!
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| Wu-banga |
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Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AM Posts: 1561 |
Since when do I not own a car? Edited Fri Jul 28 2006, 11:27AM | ||
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| Pac-Man |
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Chaser of Orbs
Registered Member #312
Joined: Sat Jun 24 2006, 02:02PMPosts: 193 |
lol who cares? good stuff wu. love ya man  (in the most heterosexual way possible)
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| .4ngryToasters |
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you would
Registered Member #149
Joined: Sun Feb 12 2006, 01:08AMPosts: 2039 |
awwww, I like hot topic. there anti "Can I help you?" attitude really makes it easy to steal all my Led Zeppelin paraphanalia | ||
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| Pac-Man |
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Chaser of Orbs
Registered Member #312
Joined: Sat Jun 24 2006, 02:02PM Posts: 193 |
^^lol. nice. 
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| DarkNarf |
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Surf Owner/Operator
Registered Member #29
Joined: Tue Nov 29 2005, 01:47AMPosts: 409 |
well wu.. if they wern't any of those things they wouldn't quite be the Insane clowns they claim they are.. so this review is null and void. If your not a freak then you can't enjoy a freak. I myself enjoy the phat beats, and weird lyrics of a insane clown. ;D *runs around with his hatchet* Edited Fri Jul 28 2006, 05:01PM | ||
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| Wu-banga |
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Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AM Posts: 1561 |
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| aborted fetus |
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The All-Cum Diet
Registered Member #47
Joined: Mon Dec 05 2005, 04:55PMPosts: 1888 |
The albums before Milenko were great. Milenko was only okay. Everything since Milenko has blown ass. Old school ICP is pretty good. |
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