Wu-banga wrote ...

Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups

With great power comes great responsibilty

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man.....they're gone.

Live life as if it was the way it should be, to show it what it can be

The foolish may not live long, but the careful never live at all

He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it?

Without Conscience - The Disturbing World of The Psychopaths Among Us by
Robert Hare, PhD

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live

Dear Mr. Toilet, I'm the shit!

I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God

Do, or do not; there is no try

Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers

...For me to poop on!


We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm.

We all are self-made but only the rich admit it

Speak no truth and your ways will end you...

chuck norris can slam a revolving door

well thats not as much as a quote as it is a fact.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

If a man wants something he's never had before, he's got to do something he's never done before

Head on, apply directly to forehead.

It is all that is left unsaid upon which great tragedies are built

if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day but if you teach him how to fish, he'll never go hungry

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

Foosball is the devil!

There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, "kill me". And there's always someone ready to oblige to them.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

A man dies and wakes up in the afterlife walking on a beach with Jesus. In the horizon is movie of his life. The man notices that sometimes there are two sets of footprints in the sand and at other times there are only one set. So he asks Jesus why, during his most trying times was he left alone. and Jesus replied; My son, that is when I was helping one of the other 6 billion people on the planet

Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day,
set a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

If you don't have problems, you have a problem

If there was never good,there will be no evil

Nightrider wrote ...

Some of those are from Jack Handy I realized one of em.