| Fish Tank Clan :: Forums :: General Forums :: Schooling Fish |
|
« Previous topic | Next topic » |
| Wu's Guide to Asians | ||
| Author | Post | ||
| Wu-banga |
|
||
Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AMPosts: 1561 |
A while back, I had taken it upon myself to instruct you fishes about how to survive Asian encounters. This guide is not ment to offend, so mods, get your fingers off of the Lock button. I'm sure that the real reason they would want to delete it was because they were Asians, and in between their rice binges and child sacrifices, they preyed on the innocent, and my guide will be the only thing standing in their way. They have been running around unimpeded for too long now, and it's time that I intrude and help out a little. Part I: Identifying the Asian Maybe you're new to this whole "Asian" thing. That's okay. I'm here to help you out. The word "Asian" comes from a combination of the Latin words for "supreme child molester" and "lioness". Asians were neither created by God (Genesis 5:32 states, God made sure that every man that was created had fully-opened eyes [...]) nor did they evolve. A popular theory is that they simply climbed out of a gaping chasm one day, and have been infesting the human race ever since. Asians are excellent shape-shifters, and as such can be difficult to identify properly.  What we have here is the quintessential Asian man. Not every Asian man (there are no Asian women -- only Asian men with large breasts) looks this way, however, and I've taken it upon myself to devise a checklist for determining whether or not the person near you is an Asian. (check all that apply) [ ] Does the person look like he is squinting? [ ] Is the person wearing an incredibly ugly tie? [ ] Is the torso of a devoured child hanging from his mouth? If you answered "yes" to the majority of the above, then that person is most definitely an Asian. Don't be afraid! Asians can smell and taste fear, and it causes all six of their tentacles to grow from their stomach. Part II: Anatomy of an Asian Asians are a confusing bunch. It's hard to tell what does what on the body of an Asian. So, to help, I have taken a picture of your basic Asian and labeled it appropriately.  Of course, the Asian's body depends on what form it takes. It can take the form of a deformed man, as seen above, or it can take the form of a lizard, as in the first picture I posted. Just make sure to be on your toes. Always, even when there's not an Asian around. You want strong toes, right? Part III: Escaping the Asian Confrontation: So, you've spotted the Asian. What to do? Well, the first step is to confront them. If you're scared of an Asian, not only will their tentacles come out, but you'll probably either wake up dead or with a stomach full of rice. You should most likely start a conversation. "How are you?" you might ask. In this case, the Asian will reply with one of two things: I'm fine. If this is the case, great job! You've avoided an awful situation. The Asian likes you! Watch your back, though. I'm going to personally tear apart your mother and father limb-by-limb, tape their sufferings, and later masturbate to that very tape. Hmm... the Asian is sending mixed signals. Does he want to be friends? Does he hate you? Either way, it'd be a good time to run for it. The Escape There is no escape. Once an Asian wants to kill you, you're dead. I don't care if you destroy every grain of rice in the world. The Asian will still chase and hunt after you until you're not only dead, but chopped into so many tiny pieces that what was once your body is now pepper for that Asian's rice dinner. Also, tell your family that you love them, and they all only have a day left to live before they're dead as well. You'd might as well tell your pet, too. Epilogue: Asians are everywhere. In fact, there's one right behind you right now. Whether or not you're prepared to handle the situation is another topic entirely. Print this guide out. Carry it with you everywhere. You'll thank me for it later. If you're not already dead, that is. Edited Sun Feb 18 2007, 05:31AM |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| .neXTt |
|
||
Registered Member #507
Joined: Thu Dec 14 2006, 01:42PMPosts: 539 |
rofl i'm asian o.o | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Wu-banga |
|
||
|
Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AM Posts: 1561 |
C.A.N.O.E. wrote ... rofl i'm asian o.o so is 10% of NJ but I still love you  
|
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| .4ngryToasters |
|
||
you would
Registered Member #149
Joined: Sun Feb 12 2006, 01:08AMPosts: 2039 |
Wu you seem to know a lot on this topic... Is it true that if you are bit by an asian, you become one? And if it is true how long does it take? Man that delivery guy on the bike was weird... |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Noname|Boom |
|
||
That one guy...
Registered Member #250
Joined: Tue May 09 2006, 11:59PMPosts: 2603 |
ROFL! LMFAO! Nice wu, but um yeah, pretty racist. | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Ninca |
|
||
Registered Member #561
Joined: Sun Feb 04 2007, 07:45AMPosts: 1109 |
Wu-banga wrote ... 10%? That's a fucking lieC.A.N.O.E. wrote ... rofl i'm asian o.o so is 10% of NJ but I still love you |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| nostie |
|
||
Registered Member #185
Joined: Thu Mar 30 2006, 10:42PMPosts: 3167 |
I lol'd a few times. good work. | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| êvoз |
|
||
HS Master
Registered Member #405
Joined: Mon Aug 28 2006, 12:01AMPosts: 31 |
lol "If you're scared of an Asian, not only will their tentacles come out, but you'll probably either wake up dead or with a stomach full of rice." | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| A Drunk |
|
||
Registered Member #437
Joined: Sat Sep 23 2006, 02:18AMPosts: 1224 |
Very nice wu. | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| : ) |
|
||
Registered Member #575
Joined: Sun Feb 18 2007, 10:06PMPosts: 10 |
so wait... are you guys racist or something? i get that its a joke but normally this isn't allowed on forums Edited Mon Feb 19 2007, 12:48AM |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
Powered by e107 Forum System
|
|