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| bleek |
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#woo
Registered Member #23
Joined: Fri Nov 25 2005, 11:39PMPosts: 665 |
As some of you know, I have been doing a thing called 'Duo Interpretation" for my school's speach and debate team, these past few months. I have already qualified for the National tournament being held in Huston, Texas, and tomorrow will be trying to get in for a speretate tourney that will be the State Championship. I preform a piece, along with a friend, called "Freak" by the comedian John Leguizamo. I wanted to share this script with you becouse I think it is really funny. I play the parts of the Narrator, John, and the Doctor. Here it is. Freak! Narrator: I was born in Latin American. Couse my Mom's was there. And when my mother was giving birth, she was in labor for 48 hours, y'all. But she didn't let that phase her, since she was so "ENTHRALLED" in the whole miracle of birth thing. She was like. Mom: Ai Criminal! Get This parasite out of me degrasiado. Narrator: And my father was standing there going Dad: If I had a nickel for every time i heard that... Narrator: And the peace core doctor is going.. Doctor: Push Mrs. Liquidzamo, miss Leg-a-Lam, Mrs. Lets-Eat-Gumbo, just push Miss, push! Mom: But with what Cogno, with what!? Dad: Hey Doctor we paying you so why don't you do some of the pulling, OK? Doctor: I'm trying to, he's a stubborn little freak. [End of teaser] (Intro) Narrator: Me and my cousins would get together and play music and dance on these family reunions we held on our block. The only person not dancing was my grandfather. My father had him on life support against his will cause he wanted him to suffer for the amount of the he made my father suffer. And my poor grandfather would be like: Grandfather: John… John, come here papi, pull the plug mihijo, pull the plug. John: But grandpa, you know I’m not supposed to put you out of your misery! Grandfather: Pull the mother effin plug! Pull it now! Narrator: And it was on this day that I came up with my theory, that everyone has a nice grandmother, and a mean, insane, crazy cougio one. And I found out which one is which when I ran up to my white looking grandmother and she was like: Nice Grandmother: Ay bendito! Pobrecito! COME, COME, COME HERE! LET ME PUT A DRESS ON YOU, YOU LITTLE SISSY! Narrator: That was the nice one. So then I ran up to my mestizo, mulato grandmother Dulce, who was a 7 Day Adventist, so she had some mad powerful beliefs yo. Like that the exorcist was actually a documentary, and that since there were no latin people in Star Trek, that this was proof that they weren’t to planning to have us around for the future. And she especially believed this when she tip back some of her holy water. My grandmother would be like: Evil Grandmother: (Drinks) LIES! LIES! You are the prince of lies! I don’t drink, I sip! And I know who you are Lucifer, now leave the body of my grandson demon! Hold still imma purge you of your evil spirits! John: OW! OW! My eyes they burn! Evil Grandmother: That’s because you’re wicked! Now lemme finish the cleansing: CHANGO! MONDONGO! MOFONGO BACALAO! CHULETA, CHANCLETA, PANTI PA FUERA! Narrator: Now I didn’t want to disappoint my grams cause this could be her last exorcism. So I started speaking tongues and transforming myself into satan for her and I would be like: John: (Start speaking gibberish) I am Satan! I have come to claim you as my wife! Come here crusty old lady, come here! Evil Grandmother: AY! Satan! You come for me! Take me I’m yours! John: But, Grandma, it was just me, I was just pretending! Evil Grandmother: (Gasps in shock) Well don’t you ever tempt me with satan again you little cabroncito! (slaps john) Narrator: Now our apartment was so puny it was wishing it were a project. But we made up for it with our 70s Baroque Rococo style. We had green avocado walls, this brown lynolium flooring, and this orange nuclear shug rug. We were trying to recreate the inside of a papaya. And the center piece the “Piez DEEEEE Resistanceâ€, was my father;s television, this big ass wood console TV. More wood than TV, but it was my Pop's pride and joy and he would be polishing that sucka, all day long, everything except the screen. Yep, because he would let that get really dusty, so that everyone would look real nice, dark, and Spanish. And my father also thought the more you used it, the more you wore it out, so my father was like: Dad: I don't care what the hell you do, just don't touch my television, ok? And don't sit on the furniture, that is only for the important guests. Use the floor for sitting and the kitchen sink for eating! And we wont buy you any more food if you keep eating it! Narrator: But as soon as my pops were gone, me and my little butter ball of a brother Poochi, who I renamed “the fat boy called bitchâ€, yeah, well, cause life has made him ascared of everything. So me and him would become like a navy seal operation team so that we could watch t.v., oh yeah cause my dad would let us watch television cause that was his most prized possession… John: Aight fat boy called bitch, it’s 1800 hours and the prince of darkness wont be home for another 2 Poochi: PPP,Prince of darkness, John, you didn’t tell me bout no prince of darkness, I’m not even listening, lala sa mama sao mama cusao…. John: The prince of darkness is the man we know as dad, UGH!! Now I’m gonna give you the bubble wrap and you place it underneath the rug so incase dad comes through the hall we can hear him. Poochi: HA HA, we out smarted the ignoramus! John: (sings Spiderman theme song) Poochi: J,J,J,John John, fix the reception Johns John: Aight watch this fat boy (starts singing Gigantor theme song. All of a sudden he breaks the antenna. He yells in desperation and shock) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Mother: ( she is climbing up the fireescape window into the apartment) JOHN!!!! John: AH! Mom what are you doing climbing up the window? Mother: (panting and tired from climbing up the window) Mihijo, the rent is due! And what are you doing? You watching the television, you eating the food, and you broke…you broke dee antenna! Ay dio mio! I’m looking into the face of a dead boy, CIAO! Narrator: And in the hall we’d hear: (bubble wrap starts popping) Father: Cono, que tanta meirda de bubble wrap? Narrator: And I’ll be fanning that T.V. like a maniac because my father would feel it for heat. Father: Open up that damn door! Mother: Ay tranquilo papito, tranquilo mijito, your mother's gonna save you. (open up the doors) Ay Fausto looka you! You look so ultra sessy, oh yes you do, RUN RUN! So why dun we go somewhere and play a little game of “man or the pride†ay no dio mio! Father: No woman, and put your nipple away ok! I just wanna wash my television (as he turns on the t.v., the t.v. makes loud static noise) what the hell is all dat damn static I can’t tell Sunny from Cher carajo. John: No dad, no dad, I’LL fix it, I’ll fix it… Narrator: so I moved that damn antenna for all I’m worth, … John: like this dad, like that father is just another word for isn’t it dad? Father: NO! move the other one! John: Ok… Narrator: And I pretend to move that antenna tromp l’oiel… John: Like this dad, like that father is that working for ya?? Narrator: and my father field goals me across the room. And the first words outta my mouth when I came to, with my new found cosmic wisdom said it all... John: Poochi broke the antenna dad! Narrator: Poor, slow, chubby, Poochi. Cuz I heard that boy go out screaming like Poochi: No dad! No I don't wanna die! NO! Noooooo*fading out* Narrator: My only brother. Just beaten senseless with that antenna. And all I could think was: Thank God it's not me! But I don’t wanna leave you with a bad impression of my father, no no cause my father wasn’t always this brutal, no sometimes he drank to, and when my father drank he just became the most lovable , huggable son of a bitch in the land and my father would sit in the fire escape, drink his beer and start play fighting with me…. Father: Come here papi, come here and give me a kiss…come on, what the hell you cringing at? What the hell are you afraid of a lil affection? I’m your father… you kiss me right now or im gonna punch the shit out of you John: No dad, no, don’t hit me I’ll kiss you… ( kisses his father) Father: Well not on the lips you little freak! |
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| .neXTt |
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Registered Member #507
Joined: Thu Dec 14 2006, 01:42PMPosts: 539 |
eh its a little long for me to read. lol. but oy have fun in your...w/e you do -.- | ||
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| 3stripeninja |
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Registered Member #594
Joined: Thu Mar 15 2007, 09:37PMPosts: 471 |
yeah. um good luck with that and stuff, hope u win. ^.- | ||
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| scope_uk |
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scope_uk
Registered Member #389
Joined: Thu Aug 17 2006, 10:20PMPosts: 598 |
Is that the whole lot?? (not saying its short just wondering) I thought it was a good read  ))))) gaaad jaaab!scope's favourite bit Father: Cono, que tanta meirda de bubble wrap? =D Edited Sat Mar 17 2007, 12:44PM |
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| Noname|Boom |
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That one guy...
Registered Member #250
Joined: Tue May 09 2006, 11:59PMPosts: 2603 |
hehe funny, and best of wishes to you padre!  John: (Start speaking gibberish) I am Satan! I have come to claim you as my wife! Come here crusty old lady, come here! Evil Grandmother: AY! Satan! You come for me! Take me I’m yours! John: But, Grandma, it was just me, I was just pretending! Evil Grandmother: (Gasps in shock) Well don’t you ever tempt me with satan again you little cabroncito! (slaps john) |
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| Rim |
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Registered Member #586
Joined: Tue Mar 06 2007, 09:29PMPosts: 13 |
I love that comedy show dude, I've watched it about 40 times. John Leguizamo rox! | ||
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| nostie |
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Registered Member #185
Joined: Thu Mar 30 2006, 10:42PMPosts: 3167 |
lol I'll read that later, but I've talked to you about this on xfire  good luck
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| bleek |
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#woo
Registered Member #23
Joined: Fri Nov 25 2005, 11:39PM Posts: 665 |
1st mothafucking place! | ||
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| Chromide |
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Registered Member #595
Joined: Fri Mar 16 2007, 02:57AMPosts: 37 |
Canoe wrote ... eh its a little long for me to read. lol. but oy have fun in your...w/e you do -.- exactly what i thought after i got about a paragraph or 2 in (i'm not a reader myself) Edited Tue Mar 20 2007, 12:01PM |
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| HellDASH_theDAM |
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Registered Member #332
Joined: Sun Jul 09 2006, 12:01AMPosts: 156 |
you lost me after the first couple of puns(if there were any that is....). | ||
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