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| My 4th of July tale | ||
| Author | Post | ||
| emerican |
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Registered Member #164
Joined: Tue Mar 07 2006, 12:07PMPosts: 3146 |
What an insanely unexpected day. Very unexpected. Ill give you a bill simmons=esque diary of my day (if you dont know who bill simmons is go to espn.com and click on page 2) 8:00-I wake up to the sound of a blaring alarm and a vaccum noise. Why? My dog had shit on my carpet. Great. 8:30-After talking to my friend about my plans on getting to our towns parade i go out in the garage to get my bike for the long ride to town. Upon arrival to my destination of the garage, i find both of my tires flat on the ground. No riding to the parade this year. Great. 9:00-The designated time of leaving my house has come and gone, and 2 problems have arose. 1. My dad, currently working in Dubai (hes a merchant marine and is gone 4 months at a time. Big bux though) calls to wish us a happy fourth. Two, my mom, who is giving me a ride to town because of my failed bike, is dily dallying and taking forever to do whatever shes doing upstairs while talking to my dad. 9:30-Still at home, the time to meet my friend at the local quik e mart (thats what we call 7-11) has come and gone. My mom is still talking to my dad while i force my sister to pitch me some balls while i take BP. 9:45-We finally leave to meet my friends and catch the parade that starts at 10. 9:55-Cant find my friend. No idea where the fuck he is. I would call him, but another 2 problems have arose. 1. I dont have a phone. I did, and i have a plan, but i had an old shitty one my dad gave me when he got his razr, so i purposely broke the charger and got my dad to buy me one in dubai. Of course, he doesnt come home till the end of july. So no cell phone till then. 2. My moms phone suddenly dies. Woopee. 10 on the ball-Just as the firetruck sirens outnumber the squeaky horn things the retarded parents buy for their retarded children, i spot my friends on the side of the road. 10:15-Best part of the day. While the little car things go around in circles, some lady throws out candy to all of us. The group of us is about 15-20 people, so we all go scrambling for the candy (we brought a slingshot to fling the candy back at the people). As we scrambled, the girl ive had a crush on since 7th grade (weve all had one at some point and dont deny it) bends over AND HER FUCKING TIT FALLS OUT OF HER SHIRT. All of it. 3 people noticed even despite the fact she stood up for 5 seconds before thinking to put it back in. Longest 5 seconds of my life. As the 3 of us stare in amazement (they all went to a catholic school and theyre all never-fuck-up-ive-got-a-future type people) she gives us that look of mixed disappointment and satisfaction. So she turns away and continues to watch the parade as the 3 of us stare at each other in amazement. Lets just say i wish i had my camera phone. 11:00-Parades done. We say our goodbyes as most are off in seperate directions for the day. My friend ryan decides to hang with me today instead of going to concord to watch the local baseball team get their asses kicked. Smart move. 11:15-Ryan's phone rings. Its pat (AKA A lion ingame). He had ridden his bike home and was bored. So we tell my mom to pick him up on the way back to my house. Good idea, right? 12:00-Wrong. 45 minutes later, stuck in traffic. We have the convertible, because we absolutely have to enjoy the beautiful 65 degree weather in july. This isnt the only problem. The convertible is a 4 seater. We have 5 people. While my mom and sister are bragging about the spacious leg room in the front seats, the three of us are shoulder to shoulder almost literally stuck in place. 45 minutes of this was a NIGHTMARE. 12:15-Some guy in a truck in front of us has the squeakyest brakes you will ever hear. Every time the traffic opens up enough for him to go 2 feet, he floors it for a split second and sqeaks to a halt. The 2nd most annoying sound in the world, besides the cheap squeeky horns retarded parents buy for their retarded children. After 3 minutes of this and only going about 60 feet, 2 skanks in the shit part of town come barging out of their front door and start screaming at the guy in the truck. This obscenity-laden scream fest lasts 5 minutes before a cop, who is also stuck in traffic, gets out of his car and threatens to arrest the 2 whores who started it. Some funny shit 12:30-We FINALLY get back to my house, just as the hot dog eating contest starts. This shit is CRAZY. As they complete the "pregame" coverage, my mom finishes cooking lunch (which, of course, is hot dogs). It was C R A Z Y. Chestnut, who was roasting on an open fire, ate 66 HOT DOGS IN 12 MINUTES. I ate 2 in 10 minutes and was full. How can you possibly do that? 1:00-The red sox start. A quick run, and we're happy. So we go outside and play home run dirby. 1:30-Home run dirby gets boring. So we decide to, of all things, go fishing. Of course, my fishing poles i left at the lake. So we decide to make spears, which we did at the lake last year. Simple process. Take a bunch of nails, duct tape them onto a stick at the end, and wallah you have yourself a spear. We go to the pond up the street to get some fish, and of course we cant get any. Our spears were horrible. 4:00-Sox won. Woo hoo. Fuck all you yankees fans. 4:30-My mom is sick of dealing with the other 2 and decides its time to bring them home. But we had other plans. We devise a plan to go to the movies. My moms fine with it. So me and pat go to his house, while ryan decides to call it a day and go to his house and do who knows what. 5:00-We get to pat's and immediately go onto his comp to play some css. We hop on gungame and suck ass (his mouse sensitiveity is at like 1 and i dont have any idea how he can do it) Mdogg and mercenary can vouch for me. 5:30-Since the movie we want to see just came out the other day (transformers), me and pat decide to walk to the theatre early so we can get in and avoid the impending giant line. 5:40-No line. Bored as hell. Wont sell tickets till 6:30. Neither of us have eaten. I look out the window, and see pizza hut. We devise a plan to go eat and run back to catch the movie. 6:15-We get our food. We had made a bad move once again. We both wanted a P'zone. Why? i dont know. So we both ordered the meat loaded one. To go along with it, we ordered breadsticks and wings. Well, the sticks and wings show up, so we chow down on those. Then the pzones. These things were fucking massive. We only ended up eating half of each of ours, leaving a full pzone uneaten. What a wasted 5 bucks. The waitress claims she had no knowledge of how big they were and never thought twice about warning us. Fuck her. She was a bitch anyway. 6:20-Not only were these things big, but they were fucking loaded with cheese. Ive never had so much cheese in my life. 6:45-Done eating. Pay the bill, leave the tip, run over to the theatre to catch the 7:00 flick. We get back in line, still small, figuring we'll get in, right? 6:50-Wrong again. The 2 people in front of us get the last 2 tickets. The next show isnt until 8:15. Great. 7:00-Deciding not to make the same mistake, we decide to play some arcade games. I pick super mario brothers and pat picks that shooting game where you shoot the zombies. I end up getting to world 5 before dieing all 3 times (like i always do) while he shoots zombies for no reason. 7:30-Tickets go on sale in 15 minutes, and we decide we need to prank call dominos pizza using the pay phone. 7:35-We almost get dominos to believe we're one of the drivers saying theres a cockroach infested pizza. He figures out its a prank when i burst out laughing in the background. 7:40-We call ryan up, who is asleep, and tell him of our tales. He decides transformers sounds gay and doesnt want to come. I tell him of a bangin chick in the movie and he immediately is on his way. 7:45-He shows up just as tickets go on sale. 8:20-A mysterious preview for a movie comes on. This shit looks awesome. The trailer was for a movie coming out in january, and of course, no name was provided. Well, after some research, i have dug up this movie and apparantly its a top secret monster movie being filmed entirely from handheld cameras, as if it were being filmed by unlucky eyewitnesses. I also found the trailer for the movie, nicknamed "Cloverfield". -[link]- 8:25-The theatre is still whispering about the trailer, even with transformers beginning. 8:45-Hot chick alert. Geeky kid about to pick up troubled hottie. Ill cut to the chase Got out at 11. This movie was tight. Couldnt believe how good it was. Evey ryan, who doubted it from the beginng, was glad he came. So my advice to you: See this movie. So yeah thats how my day went. Best day of the summer so far. |
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| nostie |
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Registered Member #185
Joined: Thu Mar 30 2006, 10:42PMPosts: 3167 |
jesus christ. how do you have that good a memory? BTW WHY DID YOUR SISTER GET FRONT SEAT?! YOU'RE MUCH FATTER THAN HER!!! | ||
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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PMPosts: 3503 |
Epic. I plan to see that Friday. | ||
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| Syntax |
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Rudeboy Supreme!
Registered Member #617
Joined: Fri Mar 23 2007, 06:37AMPosts: 1252 |
sum1 wanna sum that up for me, im wasted...and only got to 12:30b4 i was lie "FUC THAT SHIT MANG :" Then iu posted thist~!!! |
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| .neXTt |
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Registered Member #507
Joined: Thu Dec 14 2006, 01:42PMPosts: 539 |
all i could say was on some lines...fatass....fatass...holy shit a lion's name is pat!?!...fatass.....gay fatass....especially on the part with the food =P btw i'm j/p =P but you're stlil a fatass xP |
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| Compost |
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Registered Member #607
Joined: Mon Mar 19 2007, 10:48PMPosts: 225 |
my day 7:30 wake up eat take shower. 8:30 Drive to work 9:30 start work 11:15 listen to some foriegn guy at circuit city tell me he wants to buy computers so that he can ship them to his country and sell them for more money. I tell him its illegal and he needs a dealers thingy. he gives up. end of story 1:00 take hour brake heat michinellies. 6:00 supposed to go home but am needed so I work more 7:25 off from work 8:00 see post on fishtankclan about star wars decide I need to watch the first one again. 10:30 go to bed its raining. |
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| Kcow |
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Registered Member #643
Joined: Tue Apr 10 2007, 04:44PMPosts: 1921 |
Pretty cool story Emerican. I'll problebly go saterday to transformers | ||
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| GodFairingAthie |
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Registered Member #630
Joined: Tue Apr 03 2007, 11:59PMPosts: 128 |
6:15-We get our food. We had made a bad move once again. We both wanted a P'zone. Why? i dont know. So we both ordered the meat loaded one. To go along with it, we ordered breadsticks and wings. Well, the sticks and wings show up, so we chow down on those. Then the pzones. These things were fucking massive. Jesus emer, how fat are you? |
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| .neXTt |
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Registered Member #507
Joined: Thu Dec 14 2006, 01:42PM Posts: 539 |
GodFairingAthie wrote ... 6:15-We get our food. We had made a bad move once again. We both wanted a P'zone. Why? i dont know. So we both ordered the meat loaded one. To go along with it, we ordered breadsticks and wings. Well, the sticks and wings show up, so we chow down on those. Then the pzones. These things were fucking massive. Jesus emer, how fat are you? OWNT |
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| mdogg1108 |
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Registered Member #597
Joined: Fri Mar 16 2007, 04:31PMPosts: 790 |
I wish my day was as fun as that! jk."Emerican and friends" LUL. |
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