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| Twanger's Guide to Camping Like a Fuck | ||
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Rudeboy Supreme!
Registered Member #617
Joined: Fri Mar 23 2007, 06:37AMPosts: 1252 |
*NOTE* I didn't make this, it is from a person in a different clan, i was just reading the forums there and seen it and laughed my ass off, I seen Kami's post on undetected defusing and remembered this. Twanger's Guide to Camping Like a Fuck: Now as many of you may (or may not) know, i am possibly the worst human being ever to have lived. The reasons for this are many, but perhaps the biggest reason is that i am THE cheapest counter-strike player alive. I know, i know; it's a bit of a bold claim. But i think i can make a convincing case. Ask the CAL team... they'll back me up on it. In any case, as the cheapest counter-strike player alive i feel a duty to spread my wisdom with others, and so i have compiled a list of the dirtiest tricks, seediest maneuvers, and the most blatantly outright "uncool" techniques for winning at counter-strike. And speaking of "winning at cs", i come to my first point: 1. The Purpose of the Game is to stay alive as long as possible -Forget everything you've ever learned about trying to win the round or be a team player. forget about trying to get kills either, that's WAY too dangerous. you are here to stay alive. That's it. There are many ways to do this, but before i get into them, it is important that you understand this first important essential fact. The implications are many. For example, say you're playing de_dust as a terrorist and your team wants to "rush b". Where should you be in line in the rush? It's a trick question. The Correct answer is that you should be camping behind the broken down car at T spawn until your entire team dies and you are the only one left alive. why you may ask? because if you're team rushes b they will all die, and by camping at t spawn you prolong your life by a few precious seconds. This is critical people. 2. Use chitty guns -I can't stress this enough people. if you're going to camp, you NEED to use the chittiest gun you can find. The reason? Because if you're camping with a good gun, you look like an asshole, but if you're camping with a TMP you look like a hardcore motherrfucker who isn't afraid to bust skulls with whatever is lying around. TMP, shotgun and mac-10 are ALWAYS allowed. duelies are ok, so are auto-shotguns and PARAs. Any rifle that could conceivably injure somone who saw you coming is a NO-GO. AKs and M4s are absolutely forbidden. Mp5s are frowned upon. Knives and flashbangs are always acceptable. nightvision is worth extra credit. 3. Be Creative -Don't hide behind the same tired box every round. when i see someone doing that, even I yawn a little bit. Get Creative! If you know any easily corruptible people, get them to boost you somewhere mean. If you're stuck by yourself, try hiding in a spot where the game itself is working in your favor. barrels, wooden slats, filing cabinets, green lockers.... all these things can easily be turned into cozy little campsites if you're sharp enough to find them. For bonus points, try to find a spot that will let you shoot out, but won't let others shoot in. (and there are a few, but i aint telling you where, you're just gonna have to figure that shit out) If you're having trouble finding a spot and the enemy is almost on you, try crouching in a corner. if there's just one guy coming, you've got about a 25% chance he won't even fucking see you. people are stupid that way. if nothing is shooting at them, they tend to glaze over and not notice shit. So if you just don't shoot at them, you might get away with slipping by them. 4. Winning the round without firing a shot -This is the pinnacle acheivment of any camper, and the tales of such feats are passed down from generation to generation until they become legends. there are several methods of doing this that i will detail for you now: a) The Camp-Out -This is the simplest form of e-stardom. simply hide in a corner until your team wins the round for you. This won't elevate you to the status of "legend" overnight, but when you finish the map that you played all the way through from the pistol round with a score of 0 and 0, people will know that you're some slick shit. Camping out the round without dying is worth 5 points. camping out the MAP without dying is worth 100 points. b) The Ninja Defuse -My personal favorite. Camp in a bombsite, wait for the terrorists to plant, and then slip out and defuse before they know what happened. If you can do it without having to shoot anybody while the majority of the T team is still alive, you get 50 points. If you can see at least one terrorist on your screen as you're defusing and still don't kill him either before or after the defuse, you get 100 points. If you do all of the above, and manage to LIVE OUT THE ROUND after defusing, you get 200 points. Now the Holy Grail: If you are the last man left alive on your team, facing at least five opponents, and you defuse the bomb without firing a shot, with enemies in your line of sight, and then run away before they have a chance to shoot you, you get 500 fucking points. this isn't easy, let me tell you. but it can be done. if you're just starting out your ninja defuse career, you're best bet is de_cbble, as it offers lots of places to hide in sites. once you've mastered cbble you can move on de_inferno. c) The Negotiator -Some say it is only a myth, but i swear to you it is true: Winning a round on a hostage map without firing a shot, with the enemy team still alive. If you can do this you will earn yourself 100 points. If you can do it when you are the last man alive on your team, facing at least 3 opponents, i will bow down and call you master. This isn't quite as difficult on cs_compound, but on cs_italy it will elevate you instantly to the status of God of Camping. Ok ok, so now that we've gotten through some of the basic philisophical shit, it's time to get down to the nitty gritty. the shit that matters. the how to. the what's what. The "little tricks": *if you spray a spraypaint jpg on a pane of glass, it will only show up on one side of it, creating for you a one-way window. Doesn't work on some maps, but guaranteed to work on the windows at CT spawn on de_prodigy. spray the outside witha solid colour, walk inside and you can out but they can't see in. guarantees you the first shot. for bonus points, spray a jpg image of the window and what's behind it on to the window. it won't be perfect, but at first glance they won't even notice the spray there at all. good times! *Lots of people play with "Auto switch to more powerful weapons" on. usually because they're too nub to turn it off. so why not take advantage? take a shitty gun like an mp5 (works best on the second or third round when your team has won 1 or 2 in a row) and fire off its 30 rounds. but instead iof reloading, toss it on the ground right around the box or corner from where you're gonna camp. now not only will you be able to hear when the guy coming around the corner runs into the gun, but when you pop out to teach him a lesson he'll be stuck holding an empty SMG instead of a locked and loaded pistol. bonus points if you knife him to death while he's struggling to reload/change his weapon. *A pane of glass is a texture until it is shot and broken, and like every texture, it has a damage variable assigned to it. 1/2. So the shot that breaks a pane of glass will only do 50% normal damage if it strikes a target. So the next time some guy is gonna awp you through a pane of glass... let him. unless he hits your head, you can just take the blast to your chest as though you were superman and then blow his ass away while he's trying to reload. bonus points if you straddle his corpse and do the rut after you get him. *This is for you admins out there. if you're the last guy alive on your team and you're camping near spawn, don't be afraid to use your admin powers! Simply typing "@ last guy is afk" will guarantee you an enjoyable round. remember: non-admins don't know which admin is talking if you use admin talk, so they'll never be the wiser. bonus points if you go on to win the round as a result of your ass-hole maneuver. *This might be a new one for some of you, but i can tell by the winks and nods and jew-schnozz rubs that a few of you have heard of this before. It's a simple trick that will drastically improve your camping odds, and here it is: Always camp in a spot that will have your opponent run by with their RIGHT SIDE facing you. the reason? The left arm stretches out farther to hold the gun, and as a result, the left arm hitbox obscures more of the head than the right arm. so if you are on the right side of your target, you actually have a bigger head to shoot at. neat, huh? Anyways, that's all i can muster for right now. i was gonna do more, but my buzz is starting to wear off so i might just have to say the end. thanks for reading and happy camping! |
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Anal Assassin
Registered Member #455
Joined: Mon Oct 09 2006, 04:58AMPosts: 3848 |
LOL i like the spray on the window thing lol its awsome. | ||
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